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Let Go of Shame
and Guilt
by Sandy Karn |
Other Articles |
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Shame and guilt are common emotions that often have devastating effects on our lives. We feel that we deserve these emotions because of what we have done or failed to do. Yet this is often not true. These emotions drain our energy and serve very little purpose. Deepak Chopra defines shame as the internalized fear of the opinion of others. We let others decide what is right or wrong.We take their judgments to heart and use them against ourselves. We do not want to appear as a failure in their eyes. We need to recognize that it is our opinion of ourselves that is important, not the judgment of others. If others think negatively of us or attempt to shame us in any way, we can simply accept that as a fact, and not let it affect our lives. If we have been doing something that we
feel was inappropriate, then we need to take action to change our behavior
and do whatever we can to reverse any damage we have done. Maintaining
the emotion of shame has no beneficial effect whatsoever.
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We live in an atmosphere of shame. We are ashamed of everything that is real about us; ashamed of ourselves, of our relatives, of our incomes, of our accents, of our opinions, of our experience, just as we are ashamed of our naked skins. |
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Chopra defines guilt as the internal knowledge
of wrongdoing. It provides a type of instant warning system when our behavior
goes astray. In that initial moment when we become aware of our own missteps,
we have the opportunity to take advantage of the sense of guilt by immediately
modifying our behavior. After that moment, however, guilt does nothing
more that drain our energy and prevent us from moving ahead with our lives.
I have done this so many times throughout my life I know all about that kind of drain of one's own energies. It is not fun! Here are some suggestions for understanding and letting go of shame and guilt: 1. Recognize that people tend to shame and judge others on a regular basis. Notice this pattern and its effects. 2. Step out of this pattern by not judging or shaming others, connecting with them out of love instead. 3. Take steps to bring you acknowledgment, love, and even admiration from others. This may be accomplished through service to others. 4. Recognize that guilt is not an accurate measure of right or wrong. We often feel guilty about trivial matters or things over which we have no control or direct influence. Your goal: To release shame and guilt from your life. The result: You will feel an increase in energy and enthusiasm as well as an openness to experience new activities and relationships. Your assignment: Notice any feelings of shame or guilt that may occur this week. When you notice them, ask yourself these questions: 1. Have I actually done anything wrong or inappropriate by my personal standards? 2. If so, have I modified my behavior to avoid further inappropriate actions? 3. Have I done whatever I can do to compensate for any wrongs I may have done to others? 4. What else can I do to support others if I have harmed them in some way? 5. What will it take for me to atone for any wrong doing and forgive myself completely? Sandy Karn
***** Sandy Karn is president of her own company,
Creative Results
Take her Self Development Quiz!
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